Figured out how to make the snooze button 3 months long...

Still can't figure out how to make a title in this damn thing, so there you have it. And it's probably more like 6 months. I have been, for all intents and purposes, the Biggest Loser Blogger in all history -- I think that makes me a SBlooser -- kind of like a SPlunker. Without all that annoying equipment and muscle demand. I'm sure I'm not the first one to think of that.

I am entering month 6 of unemployment and I decided, what the heck. I'd rather do this than create Yet Another Custom Resume for a Job I Will Not Get (nor even be called or interviewed for).

Granted, I suppose you have to actually submit an application, but... LORD. What a tedious process. After a quarter of a century at the same company (my ONLY job), I am exceedingly out of practice when it comes to the art of finding a job. What's this Behavioral Interviewing nonsense. Rob? Andrea? Curves? Anyone? Bueler?

SO. You'd think, wouldn't you, that during all of this domestic downtime I would have learned to make The Perfect Meatloaf, installed custom closet shelving in all the bedrooms, painted the entire house, installed chair molding, and learned to make retro curtains out of faded bathtowels.

Uhm, no. Not so much, really.

I have learned that you CAN, in fact, read not one but TWO entire books in one day. (The only trick is to move around the couch frequently to avoid bedsores.) I have learned that people drive down our small, subdivision street doing 90 mph while singing Crazy by Gnarls Barley at the top of their lungs, which helps muffle the sound of the dog they have just eviscerated (thank God for small miracles, right?) I've learned that one can go several days without a shower if one is so inclined (one is, often). I've learned that I am really not a people person, unless you count Ellen, Oprah, and the handful of people I still IM with as Real People Interaction (screaming "OH GO TO H***, Oprah" probably doesn't count). I've learned that just because it seems like a good idea to shop at Kroger at 8:00am on Tuesday, there is only one checkout person and you have to negotiate around the Veggie Guy, the Bread Guy, the Meat Guy, and the Pop Guy, all of whom are inevitably stocking groceries which you would like to purchase.

I've learned that All The Stocking Guys are not "People People". They're crabby morning people who hate their jobs.

I've learned that I really love my dogs and yet... I really don't want to be with them 24/7. Maybe not even 14/7. Maybe just when I get home from work for about 10 minutes. Then I would like them to go away. I've learned that my dogs can go in and out of the front door 3,400,566,999 times a day if so inclined. I've learned that they are, in fact, inclined.

Perhaps the highlight of this week was sitting on the porch having a smoke when a gentleman walked up the driveway (while Bella tried to dismember him -- brave guy) and asked if "My Mom" was home. I said no. He left.

I have to remember that.